Better Days

"Better Days"

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I listened to these lyrics this week while I was working and I really liked them.  They are so simple but impacting to me.  I usually don't want a whole lot of things, I do try to live as simple as I can.  Yes, I do have a smart phone, cable, a TV and a pretty nice car (even though it is over 10 years old).  But I don't have my nails done or buy designer clothes or even have new clothes all the time.  For one thing can't afford it and really-- if I did have the money I probably wouldn't spend it on that stuff anyway.. I think I was born with this innate desire to not want a whole lot of things which I am very thankful for because I did grow up so poor and I still don't have a whole lot of money now...  

I have been going through some more of my Mom's photos again and trying to place the dates and the people in them.  When I see someone's face and my mom does have a name on the photo it helps so much when I might see them again or someone who looks like them.  

I remember my Mom telling me that after my Moms' mom gave birth to her sister that she died in the hospital.  My Mom's mom (I think her name is Barbra) had already had James, Harold, Bill and her.  My Mom told me this story that she heard about her Dad when her Mom died in the hospital. When he found out she had died while giving birth that he ran into the room and grabbed one of the knifes on the table and went after the doctor. She never did find out if the story was true or not but she believed it because he had an awful temper. What a crazy story and no-- he never did hurt the doctor, as far as I know.

I sometimes think about how hard it must have been for my mom and her four brothers to lose their Mother and then to lose their Dad to the work of the railroad.  To have to go live with their Mom's--Mom and Dad--must have been so difficult. And the fact that this was during the recession.  My Mom told me that they didn't even have a bathroom in their house they had to go use the outhouse that was behind their house.  She grew up in rural Washington. It is such a beautiful place, even to this day.  There are a lot of more homes and business but it is still a pretty rural place.  

My Mom and her brothers did not get to see their dad very often.  She told me he only visited once in awhile.  How hard that must have been.  When he did come to visit she said he brought a few toys and candy.  Hmmm????  I really don't know what to think of that, but my very first response is-- what a dead-beat dad!!!!  But now that I am older, I realize sometimes that people do what they think might be the best thing at that time in there life unless they are a psychopath or a narcissist.  I want to believe just as my mom and her brothers did that their Dad was doing what he thought best at the time. 

My Mom told me that it was very difficult living with them.  They were strict and poor. They believed in punishment and using switches as a form of punishment. She told me she was hit with a tree switch many times.  How far we have come from that.  But let me tell you how I feel about that.  Actually, I believe in that form of punishment.  The kids these days get away with so much crap.  And most kids control their parents.  The kids who were raised with fear of being punished are extremely respectful.  Anyway, that is my own opinion...  And I know, it is just a damn opinion and it really doesn't matter what I think about stuff like that to most people. But I tell you what---kids who were raised that way have a whole lot of more respect for their elders.  I believe, if I had statistics, it would be 90% of all kids. 

Here are some more photo's of the time frame that my mother grew up in.  This would be the 30's and 40's for the most part.  

As far as I know, this is the only picture I have of my grandpa on my mom's side. I need to go through more photo's but this is the only one I can find right now.  He was 100% Greek. He came to America from Greece like many did back then.  I wish I knew what ship he rode on when he came to America.

I know those are her brothers but the others I do not. Maybe her cousins.

This must be a family reunion.  I can tell in these photos how they must have been extremely hard workers.  I like how the children are holding flowers. 

My Mom actually has on the back of this photo that it is her.  I am glad to see that she was able to have a doll and a carriage for it.

I think by what is wrote on this photo that this is who helped raise my Mom and her brothers.  Grandpa and grandma Giles.

I wish this photo came in a little clearer. I love the dog she is holding and its name-Duke. Cute.. My mom has always loved animals and we always had them. I bet that was a very pretty poke-a-dot dress.  And I am sure her grandmother made all of their clothes.

Well, this is enough for today.  It takes me quite a long time to scan these photos and then save them and then add them to this blog.  Actually, in reality, not that long compared to the old ways of doing things.  I am truly thankful that I can do this at all.  That we have the ability to use this technology for things like this.  It is amazing that we do have all these things to make us get things done faster but for some reason we still never have enough time to get done what we want done.  So weird.... 

So Far From Perfect!

Some days the only thing that gets me through the day is listening to music.  I love listening to music. I like most styles of music.  There are some that I can't stand, like the new Rap, some country, speed metal and the new Pop music.  But for the most part, I like most of it.  My job can be very boring so I listen to music to get me through the day.  

When I listen to some music it brings back memories and gets me thinking about my life.  The lyrics of  some songs move me to very deep thoughts. The thoughts are about how I went through my life, how I handled things, where I have been, where I am going.  Like the quote above," I'm not Perfect but I keep Trying."

Sometimes I think it is very amazing that my sister, brother and me made it alive through our growing up years.  The things that the three of us went through are unbelievable at times.  

This is what happens when I am delivering mail and listening to music, my thoughts go to and fro. They go from my Mom and Dad's life, my growing up years, my life being married, my children and their lives.  My thoughts just bounce around. My head goes crazy with so many thoughts and I can't keep them in order.  I want to write so much, so many things that I have been through and so many things I just don't know about my mom and dad and their lives. 

I want to write about what I am going through now, what is happening in my life and the world, but I can't write it all at once.  I have to go to work, clean, exercise, relax and do other mundane stuff, but I will try the best I can.  Sometimes, I really believe I have ADD, because I am so easily distracted and my thoughts do bounce around from thing to thing.  lol 

    

I found these wonderful pictures of my Mom and the men in her life!  Again, she never told me about the guys she dated, except for one.  And I am not sure if he is in these pictures because there is nothing written down on them. She is so beautiful in these pictures and I wished we had gone through these pictures together.  

The picture of her, Helen and Betty helps me a little. Betty was her cousin and Helen was her best friend, I think.  She has told me a few stories about them.  The picture below that picture is of her and Uncle Bill, her brother.  I wish she had put the dates on these photos. I am so glad I have these photos.

I love this photo of my Mom.  It is such a beautiful photo.  She looks so happy, relaxed and pretty.  I am sure this photo was taken before she married and had us kids.  Has to be!!!  lol   I  wish I knew where it was taken.  I wish it had a date on it.  This is not the Mom I remember.  The Mom I remember was sad, unhappy, disillusioned, hard-working, overwhelmed and very tired.

I am so very, very glad I am going through the stuff I was able to get after her death.  My brother and sister have the rest of her photos and letters, but I am glad I have some of her things.  What little I do have, is helping me to understand her life a little more.  I barely have anything of my Dad's life.  I have some of his things.  But I know very little about my Dad's life and his family.  I have  some memories and photos of him and his family.  My Mom and Dad were divorced when I was five and after that I saw my Dad only a few times till I was in junior high school.   

When I would ask my Mom about her life and what happened she was always somewhat depressed about it.  She seldom talked about the fun. She focused on the negative and the difficulty of living with her cousin and Grandma and Grandpa.  My mother did have it very hard.  She had a difficult upbringing. She lost her Mother at a young age.  Her mother died while giving birth to a sister. Her sister died also. Then her dad (my grandpa who is also Greek)  had to go work on the railroads for a living and her and her four brothers were taken care of by my Mom's, Mom and Dad (Grandparents).  So it was a tragic childhood to me. She told me that she only saw her Dad a very few times after that because he was gone for so many, many days.  And then what happened to her after having us three kids and Linda who died when she was 9 months old made my Mom so unhappy and bitter.

Well, my computer is acting up again.  It is on its last legs and doesn't always work properly.  It has some kind of glitch and I have to hold it just the write way to make it work.  So I am going to have to stop writing for today,  Till next week...  

Missed Opportunities

Miss You Lots Mom!!

My mom passed away 3 years ago and sometimes I find myself getting ready to call her to tell her something that happened in my life and then I realize I can not.  I know she is gone but sometimes it seems like she is still here.  It doesn't seem real that she has left this earth.  I miss her.  She was 84 and up till she turned 80 she was doing pretty well considering all the health problems she had.  

She was living with my sister, Carol, in Spokane, Washington,  My sister and her family helped my Mom out with her health and doctor care and in turn gave my sister help here and there with finances and companionship.  My Mom liked being where family was so that she was not alone.  She would come visit me also.  Those were great times!!! 

After she passed away we went through all the things she left behind.  She had quite a bit of stuff in storage.  My sister knew where it all was but I really didn't see everything she had, but I didn't mind because my sister was the one who took care of my Mom for years and years.  She is the one who went above and beyond -- taking care of my Mom.  Anyway, my sister gave me a few of Mom's things that I love and want to pass on to my kids.  The most amazing things that we did find were letters and photos that we had never seen.  My Mom never shared anything about all of the letters and photos she possessed.  Maybe she did at one time when I was a teenager and I had the attitude of no interest. She had boxes and boxes of letters and photos.  My brother, sister and I went through them and divided them up.  

I am now slowly going through the photos and trying to figure out who is who in these old photos.  I wished I had spent time with my Mom getting her to write down who were in those photos.  Why did I not care back then?  Why was I not interested in my Mom's life?  Why was my Mom not interested in telling me she had all these photos and letters?  Why was my Mom not very talkative about her life?  Why didn't I try to get to know her more?  Why didn't I want to get her to talk more about her life?  My Mom was very reserved in talking about her life. But she was also very negative about her divorce and her growing up years.  She focused on all the negatives about her life, so sometimes I just didn't want her to talk about it.  But now, that I have all these photos and letters, that I never knew existed, I want to know more.  If I had known about this stuff, I would have spent time getting her to write down who was who in the photos. I would have talked to her about her life, her family's life, her adventures, her interests back then, her boyfriends, her school times, everything!.  I missed it!!  I want to know who my Mom's family was, my grandfather, my grandmother and their families. I don't know, my sister and brother don't know.  I missed a great opportunity getting to know about my Mother's family!!  So very sad!!

The only thing I can do now is try to talk to anyone who is still alive that is related to my Mom.  I might be able to send some of the pictures to any relatives living that might now who is in the photos. That will be quite a project.  

Lessons learned in Life----everything is not always as it seems.  Time is fleeting and you might not always be able to do everything you want to----but do what you can with what you have left.  I have some of the photos and letters and my sister and brother have the rest so I can at least try to get to know my Mom better with what I have left.  

My Mom and her cousin Dorothy ( I think).

At least, that is what is written at the bottom. 

Such a cute photo of them holding bunnies.

I do know this is my Uncle Harold and my Uncle Bill with my mom in this photo. I love the bomber hats they are wearing. ( I think that is what they are called)  1930's

This is my grandfather James (not sure right now- he died after I turned a year old) I need to go to some files to find out his name. So sad I can't think of it right at this moment!!! My mom looks to be about 1 year and a half.  Wow---the car behind them.. Cool!

(Right at this moment my laptop is falling apart.  I need to go buy a new computer because mine is about 8 years old.  If I move it at all it will not work.  I have to have it just right or I can not make the mouse work. And then I can not type!!!!! So that is why I can not go find the file of my grandfather's name at this moment--lol)

This is an awesome photo because it has all of my mom's brothers in it!!!  My mom never had a sister.  Her oldest brother is James, then Harold, then Bill and then her.  I think it goes James on the far right, then Harold at the top, then Bill next to my mom and then my cute mom holding the rose.  Love this photo!!!!

I hope that I will keep writing in these blogs every Sunday or more if I have time.  There is so much I want to write about. My mom's life as much as I can with what I have and then on to my childhood. As much as I can remember.  I have a lot of blocks of time that I do not remember.  My mind is blank about a lot of my childhood.  There are years that I do not remember.  I think that is because of stress, moving so much and some trauma that happened during my childhood.  But I will get to that as I write more.  

Life Is Beautiful!!

Where do I begin?

I really do not know where to begin my blogs..  I have so much to write down, but I don't even know where to start.  This year I want to write a little something about my life once a week.  I want to improve my life by doing something that is worth meaning.  I feel like I just have gone through life with no purpose. Just going through the motions.  I know I have accomplished much and done some wonderful things but I have done them with really no guidance or direction whatsoever.  Sure, once in awhile I would read self help books or look to religion or coaches or deep mediation but I was really on my own.

I have two beautiful kids who are in their 30's and my daughter has 3 children of her own.  To me that is quite an accomplishment.  Having a family is important to me.  It is amazing that I was able to raise them and they turned out pretty good.  Especially after the childhood that I went through.

I guess for me the best way to write my blogs is through pictures and words.  I want to write about my whole life and what I remember so that I have this to pass on to my grand-kids and great-grand-kids. I think it is important to know a little something about your family history.  I love to write but I really do have horrible writing skills.  I try hard to keep on task but I ramble and get off track! Sometimes, it may seem that I don't even know the main point I am trying to get across.  lol   I may go to the beginning of my life then jump to the now and vice-versa.  I have the tendency to do that even when I am talking.. Ha Ha...  I hope that whomever is reading this will understand.  It is not going to be this great novel, obviously, just some words written down...

My Mom and Dad

I miss you both so much!!!!!

What a fat, cute little baby!! I'm so glad my mom took a few photos of me.  I was born in California. Really close to the beach.  The day before I was born my mom told me she was out relaxing on the beach and enjoying the sun and the waves. She loved going to the ocean and laying on the beach.  I love that too.  I miss living near the ocean so much!

I love this picture that I just found. I think it is funny that I am making a duck face.  That is so popular right now--(or it was last year-can't keep up with the fads--lol)!!  Here I am doing it back in the early 60's..  

Today is the start of something new for me.  I hope that I will continue to keep up this blog.  That is my goal for this year.  Here goes this little duck-faced girl....