So Far From Perfect!

Some days the only thing that gets me through the day is listening to music.  I love listening to music. I like most styles of music.  There are some that I can't stand, like the new Rap, some country, speed metal and the new Pop music.  But for the most part, I like most of it.  My job can be very boring so I listen to music to get me through the day.  

When I listen to some music it brings back memories and gets me thinking about my life.  The lyrics of  some songs move me to very deep thoughts. The thoughts are about how I went through my life, how I handled things, where I have been, where I am going.  Like the quote above," I'm not Perfect but I keep Trying."

Sometimes I think it is very amazing that my sister, brother and me made it alive through our growing up years.  The things that the three of us went through are unbelievable at times.  

This is what happens when I am delivering mail and listening to music, my thoughts go to and fro. They go from my Mom and Dad's life, my growing up years, my life being married, my children and their lives.  My thoughts just bounce around. My head goes crazy with so many thoughts and I can't keep them in order.  I want to write so much, so many things that I have been through and so many things I just don't know about my mom and dad and their lives. 

I want to write about what I am going through now, what is happening in my life and the world, but I can't write it all at once.  I have to go to work, clean, exercise, relax and do other mundane stuff, but I will try the best I can.  Sometimes, I really believe I have ADD, because I am so easily distracted and my thoughts do bounce around from thing to thing.  lol 

    

I found these wonderful pictures of my Mom and the men in her life!  Again, she never told me about the guys she dated, except for one.  And I am not sure if he is in these pictures because there is nothing written down on them. She is so beautiful in these pictures and I wished we had gone through these pictures together.  

The picture of her, Helen and Betty helps me a little. Betty was her cousin and Helen was her best friend, I think.  She has told me a few stories about them.  The picture below that picture is of her and Uncle Bill, her brother.  I wish she had put the dates on these photos. I am so glad I have these photos.

I love this photo of my Mom.  It is such a beautiful photo.  She looks so happy, relaxed and pretty.  I am sure this photo was taken before she married and had us kids.  Has to be!!!  lol   I  wish I knew where it was taken.  I wish it had a date on it.  This is not the Mom I remember.  The Mom I remember was sad, unhappy, disillusioned, hard-working, overwhelmed and very tired.

I am so very, very glad I am going through the stuff I was able to get after her death.  My brother and sister have the rest of her photos and letters, but I am glad I have some of her things.  What little I do have, is helping me to understand her life a little more.  I barely have anything of my Dad's life.  I have some of his things.  But I know very little about my Dad's life and his family.  I have  some memories and photos of him and his family.  My Mom and Dad were divorced when I was five and after that I saw my Dad only a few times till I was in junior high school.   

When I would ask my Mom about her life and what happened she was always somewhat depressed about it.  She seldom talked about the fun. She focused on the negative and the difficulty of living with her cousin and Grandma and Grandpa.  My mother did have it very hard.  She had a difficult upbringing. She lost her Mother at a young age.  Her mother died while giving birth to a sister. Her sister died also. Then her dad (my grandpa who is also Greek)  had to go work on the railroads for a living and her and her four brothers were taken care of by my Mom's, Mom and Dad (Grandparents).  So it was a tragic childhood to me. She told me that she only saw her Dad a very few times after that because he was gone for so many, many days.  And then what happened to her after having us three kids and Linda who died when she was 9 months old made my Mom so unhappy and bitter.

Well, my computer is acting up again.  It is on its last legs and doesn't always work properly.  It has some kind of glitch and I have to hold it just the write way to make it work.  So I am going to have to stop writing for today,  Till next week...